Alex's Patented Who-The-F***-Was-That? Icebreakers

When was the last time you were walking down the street, minding your own business, when a screaming naked man comes running down the opposite direction, flailing his arms and screaming about pastries? The first thing you'd probably do is stop, stare at the person closest to you, and go "Who the F*** Was That?". It could be your best friend, it could be a stranger, it could even be that cute-girl-with-a-locker-down-the-hall-from-yours-with-the-plaid-skirt-and-straight-cut-bangs-that-hang-out-ever-so-slightly-so-that-it-looks-like... you get the point. So if it's the latter, (change the girl to a dude if you're into that) and you're as timid as a penguin in an ice floe full of leopard seals, just as I am, this is for you.

For the simple fee of $24.99 for each public appearance, I'll don my birthday suit and grease my body up so that I may leap before your beau's eyes like a gazelle. A streaking gazelle. She'll (or he'll) be so shocked that any small talk you make with her/him will seem normal. If you can hear over the surrounding shouts of surprise of everyone else clamouring about the buttered-up-dude-running-around-the-park-with-a-potted-plant-covering-his-crotch, you could talk about how random the buttered-up-dude-running-around-the-park-with-a-potted-plant-covering-his-crotch was. Advise to leave the area when he comes up to you and starts doing the can-can in front of the other, and take the opportunity to try to invite them to the coffee shop. Or Timmys down the street. Or your place.

For an additional charge, I'll show up in a private space and scare the s*** out of the other. You can than proceed to beat the shit out of me in an attempt to save the other's innocence, making you look like the hero.

After I have enough customers to build up a decent fan base with rave reviews, I'll start advertising to the general public. Appearances in public places, like at the Statue of Liberty, the Taj Mahal, and in the medicine cabinet in your personal washroom. Soon everyone around the world will know of me. I'll make viral videos on youtube of me streaking through Harvard University, through a minefield in Iraq, and underwater on a glass-bottom-boat tour. With movie magic (AKA Adobe After Effects), i'll have been there at scenic places such as Tianmen Square during the "peaceful" protests, Warsaw during the invasion from Germany, and Obama's inauguration. The propoganda will rise and set the world into chaos. Where will the naked man show up next? There are so many ideas and mediums to be explored. Soon everyone will have seen the slippery Chinese man with the petunia crotch.

This post wasn't about streaking, it was about building enterprises. Of streakers.