Monkey Houses

So the other day my mum and I were chilling on the sofa when she noticed the Chinese Algae Eater in our fish tank cleaning the front glass wall of the tank. We started talking, and it led to birds taking dumps, and don't ask me how this happened but it somehow got to pet monkeys. It started off with the idea of buying a Capuchin monkey and renting it out as an animal actor for movies. Eventually the question came up of how you would have to shelter the monkey in your own home. I got these two ideas:

The Monkey Treehouse:

• Exactly as it sounds, this is a tree house big enough to let your monkey stand and stretch. The entrance would be similar to that of a birdhouse and could feature a pole for the monkey to stand on, maybe that could be like a porch. You could hang a hammock or a flag under the pole, I couldn't really care.
• This one requires you to be able to train your monkey to retrieve bedsheets from the treehouse every other night. If you don't it will get pretty nasty up there pretty fast. How you will do this I have not the slightest clue, as you would need to somehow get up into the tree with your monkey to properly teach it.
• Every night whenever the monkey gets tired it would just go to your backyard (you'll attract a lot of attention if it's in the front) and climb the tree to get into its little house. Sorta like a doghouse.
• Please don't raise the question of how you get it up there in the first place. 
• I came up with this one originally to deal with the danger of your monkey getting assaulted by dogs or the neighbourhood stray cat. If you want you can give your monkey water balloons to keep in that earlier mentioned hammock. If another animal or maybe a curious toddler were to approach the tree to try to get to the monkey, it could fire away with his urine filled bombs of fury. Oh, did I also mention that the balloons were filled with monkey piss? Replace with rocks for increased efficiency. Replace with rocks filled with monkey piss just for good measure.
• I also thought of the problem of weather. Not rain or snow, as it will be sealed and have a hood over the entrance. The problem is when lightning starts striking in the area, because you could have roasted monkey come the next thunderstorm in your city. Think you could put that in a burrito? Actually no, lets stay off that topic...

Wow, this is getting pretty lengthy. Posts seem to come naturally when I go into my retarded trains of thought. Haha, I can actually imagine that. Retarded trains of thought. A giant flamboyant pink cosmic train that travels through space, adorned with candy and unicorns. That makes sandwiches. Go look up Gears of Awesome on Newgrounds and wait for the train to show up and you'll know what i'm talking about.

The Tree Fortress

• I think of elves in the forest when I talk about this one. The difference between this and the treehouse is that in this example the monkey actually lives in the trunk and branches of the tree. Note that this has to be a REALLY big tree. You might want a lightning rod to prevent it from burning down. 
• The entrance will be at the base of the tree, and be similar to the door of a home from the Shire from LOTR. A small little door at the base, leading to a massive hollowed out (but somehow still living) tree. 
• Platforms and ladders will allow the monkey to move throughout the tree, and branches could form hubs and nexuses to certain wings of the fortress. Throw in some catwalks and platforms and it could be good enough to be a human's dream house (if we were all about eight times shorter).
• This is a very simple home in concept but the problem is that at this point it wouldn't really be practical to put in your backyard (wait, since when did we care about practical on this blog?). The home would be more suited to house several families of monkeys. Or you could get even more practical and just let the monkeys free to roam in their native forests.

Monkey actors make a lot of money.