Elephant Gangster War Skaters

So far on this blog I've talked about nothing but ideas that would somehow benefit our society (though some people may disagree with a large number of them). Here I'm going to paint an image of an apocalyptic future that I think is several million times more likely than the belief that we're all going to somehow die at the end of 2012. I'm not exaggerating that figure, screw the Mayans with their supposedly all-knowing calender and Hollywood with their attempts to make a few bucks off of the hype.

You hear stories about the poor African elephants getting a hard time from poachers and hunters. But if we were to continue protecting them like we are right now, this could become our fate. Should all elephants be seen as equals to humans the world of crime would become completely indistinguishable in how ruthless it would be, once elephants are integrated into society with the rest of us humans.

Their inability to forget would make calling a hit a non-negotiable death sentence. Their strength in numbers and great teamwork skills could create some of the largest and best organized crime syndicates the world has ever seen. Their tough hides could make small arms fire useless against them. The ensuing firefights between rivals could leave dozens of human bystanders dead in the cross fire seeing that hundreds of shots would need to be fired to kill a single elephant. That and they don't have thumbs so aiming would be pretty tricky.

This idea is a joint imagining of sorts, with half coming from a good friend (Elephant Gangsters) and the other half coming from Henry (Elephant War Skaters). The apparent speed and agility of the elephant coupled with hip in-line roller skates from the late 70s could make legions of elephants near impossible to defeat. Once the elephants figure out that we're inferior as a race they would unify as a species in an all-out world war against humans where squadrons of skater elephants cavalries would sweep through neighbourhoods killing all humans in their wake. The only thing that could stop them would be explosive ordinance, rocket propelled grenades, anti tank rifles, and artillery. But of course the genius Americans would bring out the nukes seeing that their over-budgeted transparent security would fail to prevent an ultimatum of whether or not to let bombs fly on home soil.

While other warmer nations would fall one by one to the skating elephant menace, Canada would be the only surviving nation. Not because we're cold, since elephants would figure out how to knit and make sweaters for eachother. Not because the snow would slow them down either, since they would weave snowshoes for eachother too. It's because of one fact and that sole fact only: elephants don't like Jim Carrey's movies.