Cancer Baby Accelerated Fetus Growth

The idea for this was in it's conceptual stages when Henry asked me if it was possible to take cancer from one person and give it to another. So anyways, the process of becoming a mother is a real pain in the...uh...womb? I haven't done it myself but the idea of waking up every morning with the desire to vomit your intestines out does not seem very appealing to me. 

Luckily I came up with a solution while "brainstorming" (A.K.A. playing video games) with Henry. Whenever a woman goes to her local sperm bank from this day forth, we should have the sperm come in two flavours (look how awkward I made reading this become. :D ). Regular (maybe we should call it "Original") and Enhanced.

The Enhanced kind will have been exposed to some sort of radiation (I'm no nuclear scientist) for an exposed period of time prior to its use. Hopefully during this time the sperm will have developed cancer, but seeing that it is in dormant state I'm assuming that the disease won't start spreading and manifesting too soon.

After artificial insemination, the sperm will have become active and the cancer will make stem cells start being produced at a rate incredibly faster than usual (and the usual is already pretty fast), making the baby grow faster than it normally would.

Maybe it'll grow so fast that its brain will fully develop whilst in the womb and it'll come out not completely retarded. If we develop some sort of radiation that gives instant terminal cancer it could make the babies grow so fast that the incubation period could be halved. Maybe it could be a mere month. Or a week. If I can get this supercancer working maybe the baby will pop out of any female that the sperm touches. Hell should I know, after all we do have smartphones and 3D pornography now (oh, I went there). 

The next thing you know, DIY home kits for the male counterpart could be made where his own little soldiers could be collected and buffed up with the magical wonder of radiation (people used to think smoking helped with asthma, who could possibly question this). Black market variants of controversially awesome accelerated sperm could come into play, and Chinese ripoffs of the product could ravage markets around the world as it turns out that the sperm came with lead paint. Production factories could prove to be one of the awesomest jobs for rednecks as raw materials would need to come in constantly to keep the franchises running. Whores and prostitutes could be bumped up a notch on the social totem pole as product testers for supercancer babies become the new all time low, apart from being Lindsay Lohan. 

If you've actually bothered to read this entire post without being morally disturbed and disgusted by these ideas, good for you. I'm going to go to sleep now rather than continue talking about mutant ejaculate.

A little update: I think I found someone who got the idea before me. http://www.explosm.net/comics/1529/