Drunken Trombone Master Technique of the Flying Flügelhorn

While my trombone sensei (otherwise known as Paul <3) may not agree with this method of playing the trombone, I think that I should follow through and ensure that the master technique be developed and prepared to be passed down our lineage of great tromboners. Don't ask why I underlined that.

Anyways, as most of you should know, brass instruments are played by manipulating your facial muscles so that you can "buzz" into a mouthpiece to create a vibration that resonates and is amplified by the instrument. The tighter you squeeze your lips, the higher pitched it comes out. The looser it is, the lower the pitch. When it comes to trombones it should be clear enough that we dwell around the lower registers. While some have learned to regulate their breathing and relax their facial muscles to go to notes two or more octaves below Middle C, there are those who (like me) strive to go lower for that beautiful dirty sound.

Alcohol can help, after all it's definitely proved itself to be a useful substance throughout the course of time. By taking a certain number of hits of alcohol, tromboners should theoretically be able to relax themselves to varying degrees of calmness in order to hit much, much lower notes. Sorta like, uh, that drunken kung fu guy from Virtua Fighters 5. Right, Wikipedia says his name is Shun Di. Go youtube that if you want.

Anyways, you could have the light buzz that makes you go down to a low C rather than the usual E, or the complete wasted that should be able to make you hit insanely low Fs (provided that you don't pass out). Who needs tubas and baritones when you have the Drunken Master Technique?

While neither I nor my sensei are alcoholics, we should be able to make the exception this one time.