Plant Growth Limb Connections

I’ve always wondered about one thing. When people have their fingers cut off, you always hear about how they collect them to be reconnected at the hospital. How? When the body loses a limb, there ceases to be a nerve ending connected. How does the body know when and where to reconnect to the limb? My guess was some sort of chemical solution to make the cells start reproducing and mending, while they just hold the finger in place during the process. But of course that’s terrible because it’d never really line up properly again and you’d only retain some control of it, let alone even any control.

Of course here at RRRAI we don’t settle for the norm, so I‘m going to have to invent a new way to reconnect limbs. Should you ever one day receive one of these procedures, I’m sorry for your accident, but you can thank me personally for saving your precious little fingers. I like gummies and large wads of cash, keep that in mind.

This should work for actually any part of the body so long as you don’t bleed out first. You will be stripped naked and then smothered all over in a generous layer of cream cheese. Once that is finished you are to be profusely urinated upon by your nurse or medical care practitioner. Wait, no this isn’t some freaky food fetish film. Keep on reading. The presence of the cheese mixed with bacterial cultures will eventually lead to the growth of a thick layer of lichen caking the area. And here we have the concrete cementing for which the aforementioned chemical solution can be poured through without fear of any maladjustment. Sure, you’ll stink like a urinal and look something like Will’s dad from POTC, but now you get your finger/leg/arm/toe/eleventh finger back.

That last example? I dunno, some people are into weird stuff.