And no, it's not Lady Gaga. The girl's not that weird. I hope.
Wouldn't you love it if someone came to you when you were a wee little toddler and said "You know what? Life f***ing sucks". You'd then proceed to bawl your eyes out because you're a little sheltered 4 year old sack of meat. But you know what? Now you don't have to spend the next 80 years learning about how unfair it all is, and coping with blatant injustice and assholes for the rest of your life.
You see, the genius in this would be the fact that you can now crawl on your little chubby legs down to the basement. Enter daddy's secret hidden closet of toys, shuffle through the magazines of naked people hugging vigorously, and pull out the 9mm.
"Well, there's really nothing much left to anticipate now"says baby you, who will then proceed to make a Van Gough on the wall with your bodily fluids and vital organs.
Whoa. Why so dark, Alex? I always am. I'm not listening to too much screamo.
Hey, here's a better thought. What if we did that, except to foetuses? Shove a tube up a special place to open up a channel of communication to the person directly (I know what you're thinking, shutup, foetuses are very linguistic beings). What if we could let them know that they're being born into a dystopia, long before they actually are? Now that would be a huge convenience. It'd save the mum the trouble of pushing the person out for 19 hours too. It'd be practical. Because that's the premise of this whole site. Practicality.
The baby gets to sign a contract, saying that they'd been warned of all negative repercussions of being alive, and that they can no longer say that no one told them that life is this unfair. If they say they'd like to be born, the super cancer machine thingy will pop them out right away. If they say otherwise, apply the uterus punch immediately for maximum chance of miscarriage.
PROS:
-saves the world one insecure toddler, one bitchy preteen, one angsty teen, one depressed youth, and a quadruple shopping mall murder-suicide
-saves the world the food, space, materials, and effort wasted for said person
-saves the person a life of discontempt in our broken materialistic "democratic" capitalist system full of judgement and marginalization of unique people
CONS:
-birth rate will drop to about 1 baby born for every 700 fertile females
-labour and production will drop by about 99%
-GNPs and GDPs will drop by about 99%
-quality of life will by drop by 99% (in terms of the human development index)
-technological advances will cease
-cultural advances will cease
-city projects will cease, such as expansion of transportation infrastructure
-humans will cease to be the dominant species of Earth
So as you can see, it turns out this was the most brilliant idea ever. Why? Because we've just uprooted the hold of all those contributing to the system (pro life debaters, greedy corporations, corrupt politicians, global warming, an expanding population, declining resources, declining available land for development, declining ariable land, declining potable water, the wallflowers of society, the counter productive hinderence of imposing equality, materialistic value, and anti-social tendencies for starters), as the remaining (1/700)% of humans will scramble together in a dear attempt to hold onto life.
BUT. They'll all be humbled into cooperation and learn to take simpler values and morals on, such as the importance of self accomplishment and community, family, and friends.
No comments:
Post a Comment