The Greater Good

Everyday you see people with nice things. They want nice things. They search for nice things. And they envy other people with nice things. But you know what? It's not about just you or your nice things. It's about the community, and making it so that everyone can have things just as nice as yours. If everyone contributes to get nicer things, then everyone will get nice things, including you.

And this will be the message sent across to all those who succumb join the almighty Church of the Snail. Because you see, only when people realize that they must give to the community will they open up their wallets hearts to the church community. Every Sunday, my slaves disciples will gather under the great shell of knowledge, our symbol of the church, and put in their monetary donations to go towards the church and it's services provided, such as teaching the importance of sharing and giving to your masters peers. This monetary donation will teach people to live simpler lives; lives built around friends, family, moral values, and... not really much else. It turns out that the nice things aren't really the things you buy.

All shall acknowledge the Great Shell of Knowledge!

Taking their money is vital to the cause. You see, only then can one ascend to the great state of joy and happiness that is eternal. Such perpetual enjoyment is only viable when the people learn to live off of nothing and appreciate all the extremely small little things.

After all, there is but one great figure that watches over all of us, and there is just one great figure that you aim to please. This would be Father Mollusc, the founder of the Church of the Snail. He was the stingiest, cheapest man to walk this world. That man taught us all to live off of pennies a day and not delve into the horrors of materialism.

By the way, all members of this church must swear an oath of absolute faith (Christians...).